Do you always find yourself losing it when your child does something incredulous? And do you feel guilty after lashing on your kid about something that you could otherwise have handled more calmly? If this is the case, then it’s a must that you work on to be a calmer mom.
Realize that It’s a Bad Thing
The first step on being a calmer mom is to recognize that flipping out in front of your child regularly can damage his psyche. It’s been proven in studies that children whose parents express their anger in front of them grow up less emphatic, more aggressive, and more depressed than their peers who come from calmer families. There’s also a link between this and poor academic performance. The younger the child is, the bigger the effect. The occasional outburst, as long as it’s non-abusive doesn’t have as much impact as regular lashing out.
Look at your Kid as a Baby
Just when you’re about to burst out with anger, take a second to visualize your child as a baby. It’s true that when babies grow up, they usually stop being adorable. They turn into loud, obnoxious and dominant kids that want everything done their way. And when you’re about to lash at your kid for being like that, remembering him as that cute adorable baby can calm you down.
Take a Break, Walk Away
When you’re about to lose it, go to another room for a minute or two. It’s imperative that you distance yourself from the situation as this would make it easier for you to calm down. You’re not abandoning your child doing this. Instead, it’s for his own good so that you can appease yourself while you’re in another room or in a safe distance.
Own Up To It
If your anger has already come out, what you should do is to own up to it. Never blame your child for triggering the outburst. Instead of saying, “it was your fault that I screamed at you like that”, tell him, “I was angry because you were careless but it was wrong for me to yell at you like that and I’m sorry”. Don’t overdo with the apologies however as this may make your kid feel that he was victimized, and it’s not a good thing either.
Find Out What’s Wrong
When a child is being difficult, it’s possible that he might have a good reason for it. It may be because he’s hungry, bored, tired, or looking for attention. Instead of flaring up on him to quiet him down, find out what’s causing the fussiness and get down to it. Most of the time, kids are not able to express themselves well so you need to figure it out for yourself.
Keep an Anger Journal
This would help you determine what situations and circumstances make you lose your cool. Upon discovering patterns, talk to your child and come up with a solution. “Son, I just found out that I get angry the most when you don’t do your homework. How can we solve this problem?” Involving him gives him a sense of importance and this would encourage him to have more positive habits.